Self-Compassion: How to Treat Yourself with Kindness and Understanding

Are you tired of being hard on yourself all the time?

Do you wish you could give yourself a break and be kinder to the person in the mirror?

If so, then it’s time to start practising self-compassion!

In today’s stressful world, it can be easy to be hard on ourselves. We often feel that we must live up to society’s expectations, whether raising a family or working in a job, to get by; this can cause many of us to struggle with self-criticism, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy.

We hold ourselves to impossibly high standards and beat ourselves up when we fall short.

But, if we take the time to focus on the present at that moment, self-compassion lets us know that we are worthy of love.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Self-compassion?

That sounds like some new-age mumbo jumbo!”

But trust me, it’s not. Self-compassion is the ultimate act of rebellion in a world constantly telling us to be perfect. Self-compassion is treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and concern that we would offer to a good friend.

What if we could give ourselves the same kindness and understanding we’d give to a struggling friend?

What if we could learn to see ourselves as imperfect humans who deserve love and compassion rather than inadequate robots needing fixing?

That’s where self-compassion comes in.

Research has shown that self-compassion leads to greater resilience, better emotional regulation, and increased well-being.

So, how can we practice self-compassion in our daily lives?

Here are a few tips below for you to consider:

1. Start by noticing your inner critic

We all have an inner voice that tells us we’re not good enough, failures, and unworthy. That nagging voice that whispers self-doubt, fear, and criticism can prevent us from realising our true potential and achieving our goals. When you hear that voice, try to recognise it for exactly what it is: a thought, not a fact.

Throughout my life, I have encountered the unwelcome companion that thrived on negativity and self-doubt—the dreaded inner critic. It seemed as though this internal voice was determined to disrupt every effort, leaving me feeling inadequate and unsure of my abilities.

My battle with the inner critic has definitely been a journey of self-discovery and growth but also an ongoing battle. I hope that by sharing my personal story, I inspire others who may be grappling with their inner critic and provide them with the hope that they, too, can overcome this.

Here are my top tips:

✴️ Understanding the Inner Critic: The inner critic is that self-sabotaging voice that undermines our self-confidence and fuels negativity. It can manifest as harsh self-judgment, constant comparison to others, or a fear of failure. However, it’s essential to understand that the inner critic does not accurately represent who we are but is a product of our past experiences, societal pressures, and internalised beliefs.

During a particularly challenging period in my life, I became aware of the damaging influence of my inner critic. When I faced numerous setbacks, I realised that the voice within me was stifling my growth and preventing me from reaching my full potential.

✴️ The Impact of the Inner Critic: The inner critic can profoundly impact various aspects of our lives. It can hinder personal growth, limit creativity, and prevent us from taking risks. This can negatively affect our relationships, career progression, and overall well-being. By acknowledging the damaging effects of the inner critic, we gain the motivation to take proactive steps to overcome its influence.

✴️ Recognising Your Inner Critic: The first step towards conquering your inner critic is becoming aware of its presence. Start by paying attention to the negative thoughts and self-talk in different situations. Keep a journal or use a note-taking app to document these instances. By identifying recurring patterns and triggers, you can gain valuable insights into the specific areas where your inner critic holds power over you.

✴️ Challenging Negative Self-Talk: Once you recognise your inner critic, it’s time to challenge its authority. Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. For example, if your inner critic tells you, “You’re not good enough,” counteract it with, “I am capable, and my efforts are valuable.” Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and faces challenges. Surround yourself with supportive and uplifting individuals who can help you reframe negative thoughts and provide constructive feedback.

✴️ Cultivating Self-Care: Self-care practices are powerful tools for quieting the inner critic. Engage in activities that promote self-reflection and self-awareness, such as meditation, yoga, or journaling. These practices help you detach from negative thoughts and create a space for self-acceptance.

Self-care became an important part of my battle against the inner critic. I incorporated mindfulness practices weekly, learning to quiet the noise in my mind and cultivate a sense of peace and acceptance. As mentioned, I prioritised self-care by engaging in activities that brought me joy, relaxation, a renewed sense of purpose and challenging my inner critic.

2. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend

If a friend came to you with a problem, you would likely offer them comfort and support. Try offering those exact words to yourself.

In Positive Psychology, according to Neff et al., people with self-compassion are less likely to be critical of themselves and less likely to be anxious or depressed, leading to greater life satisfaction.

For years, I subjected myself to a constant stream of self-criticism. I held myself to high standards and noticed at times that my inner voice mirrored an unsympathetic voice that stored me down, leaving me feeling drained.

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3. Positive Self-talk

Have you ever noticed how the way you talk to yourself can affect your mood and behaviour?

Positive self-talk is a powerful tool for building self-confidence and resilience. We can build a strong belief system in ourselves and our potential by affirming our abilities and focusing on our strengths. This belief acts as a foundation for pursuing our goals and overcoming challenges. Positive self-talk reminds us of our capabilities even in adversity, helping us bounce back and persevere.

The impact of positive self-talk extends beyond our mindset and influences our performance and overall well-being. Positive self-talk creates a positive feedback loop that enhances motivation, concentration, and productivity.

In addition, positive self-talk improves mental and emotional well-being by reducing stress and anxiety, promoting a more balanced and fulfilling life.

At first, positive self-talk felt foreign and even a bit awkward. But when I learnt that I had the power to rewrite the narrative of my life, I was willing to try this. I started acknowledging my strengths and achievements. Every morning, I would affirm positive statements to myself. Gradually, I began believing in my words, and a shift slowly occurred. This is something I still practise today.

4. Practice mindfulness

Our minds race with worries about the future or dwell on regrets from the past, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from the present moment.

Seeing things clearly cannot be easy when caught up in negative self-talk. Mindfulness can help us step back and observe our thoughts without judgment. Try taking a few deep breaths and focusing on the present moment.

Mindfulness invites us to observe our emotions without judgment, creating a space for emotional regulation. Through this practice, we become more attuned to our emotions, allowing us to respond skillfully rather than impulsively. Mindfulness also helps us develop a greater sense of acceptance and resilience with difficult emotions, leading to improved emotional well-being and a deeper connection to ourselves and others.

By observing our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviour patterns, we gain insight into our inner workings and can make conscious choices aligned with our values. This increased self-awareness allows us to treat ourselves with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness.

We can also learn to cultivate a positive relationship with ourselves through mindfulness, embracing our strengths and imperfections.

When I started practising mindfulness, this helped quiet that annoying chatter and brought a sense of inner peace. I learnt to observe my thoughts and emotions without judgment, allowing them to come and go like passing clouds.

This practice helped me detach from negative thoughts and find a calm place. I began to experience a deep sense of tranquillity in a few aspects of my life. I will not pretend this sense of peace happens overnight; I still experience challenges and dwell on the past, especially when I have low moments. But I am more self-aware and in a better place emotionally to handle setbacks. It takes consistent gradual practice over time.

5. Remember that imperfection is part of the human experience

In a world that often glorifies perfection and highlights polished images of success, it’s easy to forget that imperfection is an inherent part of the human experience.

We strive for flawlessness, setting high standards for ourselves and others, only to be disappointed when reality doesn’t align with our expectations. Embracing imperfection is crucial to personal growth, self-acceptance, and a fulfilling life.

There is beauty and significance in imperfection, understanding that it is not something to be feared but rather an essential element that shapes our journey and allows us to connect with our authentic selves and others on a deeper level.

So, let’s celebrate the imperfections that we all have and learn how to navigate the imperfect yet extraordinary experience of human life.

Remember, our imperfections don’t make us unworthy or unlovable. This is what makes us human.

6. Be patient with yourself

Self-compassion is a practice; like any practice, it takes time and effort. Don’t expect to become an expert overnight; go with the flow without expectation or judgement.

When we expect immediate results, we become frustrated when we fall short of our expectations; it’s essential to remember that self-compassion is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and gentle nurturing.

7. Journaling

Keep a journal of your thoughts to assess your feelings, then write something positive and compassionate to yourself.

Putting pen to paper and pouring our thoughts and emotions into a journal can be a brilliant practice, offering us a safe space to explore our inner world, nurture self-compassion, and cultivate a deeper connection with ourselves.

If you have not tried journaling, here are the benefits below:

✴️ A Safe Haven for Self-Expression: Journaling serves as a sanctuary, allowing us to express our deepest thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires without fear of judgment. Through writing, we release the weight of our experiences, finding solace in the pages of our journals. By permitting ourselves to be honest and vulnerable in our writing, we create a space for self-compassion to bloom.

✴️ Gaining Self-Awareness: Writing in a journal provides an opportunity for self-reflection, enabling us to understand ourselves and our experiences better. As we put our thoughts into words, patterns and insights, emerge, offering clarity and a fresh perspective. This increased self-awareness allows us to identify areas where self-compassion may be lacking and provides a foundation for personal growth.

✴️ Creating a Dialogue of Compassion: When we write in our journal, we engage in a dialogue with ourselves—a conversation where self-compassion can flourish. We can offer ourselves comfort, encouragement, and forgiveness through our writing. By nurturing a compassionate inner dialogue, we create a supportive and nurturing relationship with ourselves, fostering a sense of acceptance and love.

✴️ Documenting Progress and Growth: Journaling allows us to document our journey of self-compassion, capturing our progress and growth over time. We can look back on previous entries and witness how far we have come, celebrating the milestones, breakthroughs, and moments of self-compassion. This reflection reinforces our sense of resilience, reminding us of our capacity for growth and self-compassion.

To conclude

Research has correlated self-compassion with being unlikely to struggle with depression and anxiety. Unequivocally self-compassion relates strongly to less stress, a more positive state of mind, motivation and good mental well-being.

Practising self-compassion is essential for our mental and emotional well-being. By treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we offer others, we can learn to accept ourselves as imperfections. So, the next time you find yourself being hard on yourself, remember: you are worthy of love and compassion, just as you are.

Keep showing up, practising, and treating yourself with kindness and understanding!

Thank you for taking the time to read our blog! We appreciate your engagement and hope the information we shared has been valuable. Your commitment to prioritising your well-being in a busy world is commendable, and we’re thrilled to have played a part in supporting you on this journey. 

We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences regarding your wellness journey. Feel free to comment or contact us with any questions or suggestions.👇🏾